I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
