Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Randomize
