oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
