Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
