Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
