ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Drunk is a universal language darling
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize