I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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