We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
