1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
found the other keg... it's in the tree
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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