I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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