is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
