I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
