there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
