No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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