doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
