Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
