You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
