is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
