Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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