i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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