i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
