Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize