you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
