I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
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