70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
