Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Randomize
