Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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