he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
