Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
