Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
