I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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