Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
