i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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