Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
