I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
should my penis look like a turkey
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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