So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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