I think I am morally bankrupt
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
