yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
