I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize