so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Bring me that man meat
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
