Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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