Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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