I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
pop tarts are not kleenex
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
