I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
