Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
