I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
