omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
