About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
