I swear she didn't look like that last week.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
