Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
