haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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