I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
