Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
