maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
