i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
