My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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