Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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