now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
