there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
