I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
