Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
