There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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