tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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