idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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