When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
