Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
