How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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