You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
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