please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
