She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
