I'm gonna have a badass scar
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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