Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
