Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
