Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
50% drunk capacity currently
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
