Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
