Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
