we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
