remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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