You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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