some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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