Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
