I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
