I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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