so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
