how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
