We're facebook friends in real life
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
