I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize