Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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