I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
