i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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