You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
