He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
