Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
