after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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