I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
