The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
