is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
